Want To See The Real (Not Rude) France? Learn These 5 Words First.
Reading time: 4 minutes
Few things are as important in France as la politesse.
Being polite will literally get you everywhere, but the opposite is also true. If you don’t learn ahead of time exactly how to be polite in France, then everyone will think you’re rude and treat you the same way. Everyone you know who called the French rude after their Paris vacation was probably also called rude by the French people they encountered.
The French are incredibly nice and helpful people as long as you make a good first impression (and they’ll usually immediately switch to English to help you out).
Here are the words and phrases that you must know.
Bonjour (pronounced kind of like bone-JOOR)
Bonjour means “good morning” or “good day.” Every conversation must start with bonjour (or bonsoir in the evenings, but you can get away without knowing this one). To begin speaking with someone having not properly greeted them first is an affront to their humanity and implies you think you’re above them. If you skip the bonjour, expect them to ignore you or pretend not to speak any English. And don’t start with excusez-moi instead - while excuse me is exactly what you should say if you stop someone on the street in the US, you’d better have said bonjour right before it here.
One more point for getting bonjour down is that every time you enter a store, you should greet the shopkeeper on your way in. Don’t worry, they won’t put you on the spot immediately to ask what you’re looking for. That’s not how service works here.
Merci (mare-SEE)
Merci means “thank you,” and you can say merci beaucoup (MARE-see bow-KOO) for “thank you very much.” Any nicety performed for you deserves a merci, as do most transactions.
Surely you learned merci on the first day of your high school French class, and it is important enough to warrant that high priority. But beware the other phrase you learned to go along with it. De rien indeed serves as a “you’re welcome” in France, but it’s a very flippant and casual way to say it. With people you don’t know well, it’s much better to respond to their merci with je vous en prie (zhe VOOZ ON pree). It also means “you’re welcome” but in a much more formal and polite way.
Au revoir (hour-VWAR)
If you’re going to say “hello” to everyone, you should also say “goodbye,” which is what au revoir is for. But just like bonjour isn’t literally “hello,” au revoir is actually more like “see you later.” It’s important to draw this distinction and make sure you don’t use the goodbye you learned in high school French, namely adieu. To tell someone adieu can actually be rude, because you’re saying “goodbye forever.” Save adieu for your loved ones when you’re on your deathbed.
Since you properly greeted the shopkeeper with bonjour, make sure on your way back out you bid them farewell with merci, au revoir (whether you bought anything or not).
Pardon (par-DOAN)
Pardon is the real “excuse me” in France. It’s just significantly more common to hear than excusez-moi. Pardon will work to get someone’s attention if they’re not already aware of you. If you need to ask someone for help, this is the one exception where bonjour is not the first thing you say to them - but it still needs to be the second! Once they’ve noticed you, immediately greet them with bonjour and then go on about your question (which I imagine will be parlez-vous anglais?).
When I have to elbow my way through a large crowd, I do tend to mix it up and use a few different phrases, but pardon is the bulk of it. Pardon, pardon, excusez-moi, pardon, merci !
Désolée (DAY-zo-LAY)
It’s important to know how to say “I’m sorry.” And to know how to say it in as many languages as possible. To be honest, you can use pardon after the fact for most things you might have to apologize for, like bumping into someone in a crowd. But désolée is your ticket to a re-do on the most consequential accident you could make and need to apologize for, so you’ll need to keep it in your back pocket in case you do something really egregious.
Which would be, of course, forgetting to say bonjour.
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